Saturday, August 22, 2009

To be alone is not always to be lonely

So, over the past 12 months or so I've become incredibly socially awkward. There's numerous reasons for this, but the main one? I can go two or three months without speaking to someone who isn't family, a salesperson or working for my landlord.

About 12 months ago, The Fiancee & I got evicted from our craphole of a house, so our useless landlord could move into it. The city we lived in was having a 'rental crisis' where it was hardf to find a rental place to live if you were working full time. Being two unemployed people with a toddler? We didn't have a hope.

So we packed up and moved back to my hometown, a place that holds few sober happy memories, quite a few vague and fuzzy drunken memories and a lot of misery. His justifcation was “It will give your family and friends up here a chance to get to know you again and spend time with Mr 3.” I just figured “Well, we have to live somewhere I guess.”

His enthusiasm was infectious and I started to look forwards to it. Friends from the city promised to come and visit. Friends up here got really excited to hear I was coming back. It had potiential.

So visits from friends in the 12 months since we moved here? 5. Friends from the city came once. Friends up here showed up four times.

I can understand why the hometown friends have eased off. I never expected them to put their lives on hold for me during the 5 years I lived in the city. I've changed a lot in that time and from the little time I've spent with them, they are still the same girls now that they were at 21. Spending more than two hours with them drives me crazy and I'm pretty sure the same is true for them.

I never know what to say – nobody will want to hear about the awesome drop I got boss hunting in the MMO I play. Those without kids don't want to hear the ins and outs of potty training. Those who do have kids are now dealing with schools and homework. So I say nothing and that's not exactly a good way to encourage people to invite you anywhere.

My family? I barely speak to anymore. My mother is an alcoholic and given the choice between staying sober when Mr 3 was around and not seeing Mr 3 anymore, she chose the booze. My brother and I haven't spoken more than 'Hey' 'Hi' in over 2 years. My father – well, that's another entry, but at the time of writing this, we haven't spoken in 3 weeks and it's likely to continue that way for a while.

There are three people I enjoy spending time with, but two of them are in the city and the other is notoriously unreliable. The sad part is, I've adapted to this. I would now rather stay at home, watching tv or playing MMO with The Fiancee than go out to dinner with friends.

I guess it's a blessing, as it will take a hell of lot nowdays to make me feel lonely.

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