Drama of the Week

I'd really hoped to share my thoughts on the new brand of romantic comedy, where the comedy comes first and the movie doesn't increase our expectations of unrealistic behaviour from the objects of affection in our lives, but I'm having a mild crisis at the moment.

This isn't unusual btw. There's always something going on that messes with my head. I've come to conclusion that my life is destined to be filled with some kind of bullshit and my coping mechanism – after tears. Chocolate and retail therapy – is to be ridiculously melodramatic about it. I try to keep things in perspective and to keep my sense of humour while carrying on about the drama of the week. Since Red and the Flake are yet to roll their eyes and say “Here we go again” I can only assume that I'm succeeding or at least, avoiding sounding like a drama queen.

Anyway, at the moment I'm feeling small and unimportant. Unfortunately, it's not in a cosmic “'how big the universe is and I'm barely a freckle on the arse of everything' way. It's a 'why does everyone find it so easy to overlook/forget/disregard me?' kinda crisis.

As I mentioned in the last post, since the move to Hometown from The City despite everyone claiming they were so excited to have me back or were going to miss me so much, none of them have made any effort. I reached a place a while ago where I decided that I was only going to return the effort that was put in. Perhaps not the most mature decision in the world, but honestly, why waste time with a one way friendship?

As an example, my former best friend, Miss Better than You , was unprepared to drive 90 minutes from Hometown to The City, but had no problem driving triple the distance as a day trip. Then there's the Sanctomummy, who is a great friend to have – as long as you make all the effort and don't actually expect anything of her. The tragic part is, she's cut a large number of people out of her life for not sitting around waiting for while she's captivated with the new boyfriend. Really, how dare someone not put their life on hold for her and being busy when she wants to make time? (I know how bitter that sounds. It's not meant to be.)

Now, I'm not a stupid person. I rate myself as being slightly above average in intelligence, but certainly nothing special. Yet, nobody ever seems to give me credit for knowing what I'm talking about. In fact, nobody seems to think I know what I want.

My 21st, I'm on the verge of moving out with The Fiancee and as has everyone else in my group of friends who's turned 21 before me, I want useful household things. Dinner sets, towels, sheets, a toaster, The kinda stuff you used to give as a wedding present, but since shacking up is now acceptable, is given on other occasions, Such as a 21st. So what awesome shit do I get? 2 wineglasses. (I don't touch the stuff. The giver knew that better than anyone else). A 3-cd pack. A fucking Sorting Hat, complete with a stuffed Hedwig. Yes, this was from my so-called closest friends. Honestly, the gift from a friend that I appreciated most was the $80 worth of bourbon shots that a guy I hung out with at school (and hadn't seen since) bought me.

What else? Setting up the nursery while pregnant with Mr 3 and insisting I did not want an armchair in there. The Fiancee kept insisting I did, as did the Mother In Law. Two days before my due date, I get a friend to push the damned thing out on the curb. End of it you'd think? Ah, but I don't know what I want remember? I get out of hospital and the fucking armchair is back in the nursery – which has been rearranged by the Mother In Law.

Testing borderline for gestation diabetes, looking up the details and telling The Fiancee “It's no big deal. I'll have to watch what I eat and it means a higher birth weight, so it'll increase the chance of a c-section. Let's not say anything till we do the second test and get a confirmed result.” He promptly talks to everyone he knows who's ever had a baby to find out what he can. THEN gets all sulky when I get mad and point out a) I already know what he's found out and TOLD him that and b)We'd agreed not to say anything till we got a definite result.

There's believing anyone but me. God forbid, I know what I'm talking about.

Red & her now-husband, wanting to buy a mini-motorbike for their 3yr old nephew and being told “He can ride it anywhere” by the seller. You can't. I knew this because I worked in the RTA at the time and had spent the better part of the last week handling phone calls about the laws. They argue with me because 'the shopkeeper said so'. So I bring home the information and she just looks at me and says “Well then why is he saying you can?” “Because he wants a sale.” And he's a douchebag who recognizes just how gullible you are.

Also while at RTA, The Fiancee informing me that to switch from an auto to manual drivers license you just have to tell them because 'that's how his best friend did his.' Never mind that was 5 years ago or I had dealt with people who didn't want to retest– his mate did it this way, so that was the way it was done.

If I was presenting something as fact without any sources, then yeah, definitely question me. But I don't. Even if relating an anecdote read somewhere, I make it very clear that I don't know how accurate the story is. I research urban legends and have pissed off more than one person who's enjoyed telling a 'true story' by pointing out that it's bullshit. And don't try and tell me that something I know is wrong, especially when you have nothing more to back it up than “So and so said.”

Next time: Superiority complexes and why you are not a better person than me